Two-way things are two-way. Obvious, yes, but also quite easy to forget. Having someone in my life that I could not bear to lose usually means that they could not bear to lose me too. Oh, I know there are exceptions, and I seem to know several of them (maybe it’s the semi-dangerous activities I do, but they do seem to attract danger-seeking types, and there is nothing more dangerous than a clique of semi-ex-girlfriends): men and women who inexplicably attract people who would do anything for them, will put up with almost anything to be with them, will fall in love and cling on even when the sane world (including usually some parts of themselves) is screaming “get out now”. Maybe that’s an overcompensation: a good relationship is one based on trust mixed with expectation: I trust you to try not to harm me, but I understand your behaviour enough to anticipate and respond to what you do; when you remove trust from that equation, there is only anticipation and response “if I’m very very good, then maybe you’ll respond in the way that I hope” or “I know what you’re going to do next, there’s nothing I can do about it, but I’m going to hope anyway”. And hope being the cheerleader of emotions, the ra-ras carry you through until your soul is thoroughly broken.
But that’s not what I’m writing about today. I’m writing mostly about the good stuff, the person you would do almost anything for because (but not just because) you know they’d do almost anything for you too. And a little about how easy it is to forget sometimes that love goes both ways. I’m still on friends month. And somehow, subconsciously (or perhaps because some of them do talk to each other sometimes), people in my life seem to be crawling out of the woodwork and contacting me themselves (maybe it’s that time of year). But this weekend brought a contact from someone in my past. An innocuous contact, a friendly question, but to me a subtext that I don’t want to see. And so here, in grey and not-so-grey (or maybe my screen’s just a bit dirty), a message to anyone who knows me and is even considering romantic intentions: I have someone in my life. He completes me in ways that I had not dared hope to have (like cooking – stop sniggering in the back there, I don't always burn things), and I hope –believe- I complete him too (although in many ways he’s plenty able to complete himself already). I would love to make contact and spend more time again with my old friends, and am always happy to make new ones (you can’t have too many good friends or opinions), and you are all welcome in my heart, but there is room for only one love in my life. Understand that, and (go some way towards being able to) understand me. Make any attempt to usurp him and I will ignore you 'til you either come to your senses or go away.