Sleeping Over

Another thing lying around: a play, dated 7th September 2000. I know it's not good literature, but it's mine, I'm clearing out my drives, and I want to leave this somewhere it can be found in, ooh, maybe 30 years when I'm too old to remember what it feels like to be young and foolish. Onwards...

Sleeping Over

Cast
David
Sam - David's fiancee
Fudge - David's best friend
Justin - David and Fudge's other friend
Waiter
Nurse

Synopsis

Scene 1: everyone arrives at the cottage

[Friday night. Justin's holiday cottage. Two big sofas. Posters of guns and tanks round the walls. Papers littered on the floor. An opened box of beercans in the corner. David, Sam and Fudge sat on one of the sofas, sitting very close together and chatting. Their heads are together as they do so. David and Sam are cuddled up together, holding hands. Sam's legs are draped across Fudge.]

D And then he gave you back her knickers and offered you a bottle of whisky.

F Well, it was a good whisky. And anyway, he's fucked every other woman who's come through that door. Why should Jenny be any different?

S Language, Fudge.

F Sorry Sam. Screwed.

S Forgiven. For the moment. So what happened to 'one for all and all for one', David?

D That was never meant for girlfriends. [pauses] Except you, D'Artagnan. [Pauses again] You didn't, did you?

[S looks at F.]

D With him?

S Don't be so bloody silly darling. [She gets up and goes through the kitchen door]


D You're my best man. But I don't want Justin to feel left out. Do you mind if I ask him too?

F Well, it's a little unusual, but you always were a bit different. Okay, good by me as long as he gets to do the speech. Has Sam forgiven you for asking me first yet?

D Shhh. She's only next door. Ask me about something safe. Like sex.

[Sam returns with a drink and two glasses. She hands one each to the boys]

S I heard that. Any trouble and I marry one of the best men. So Fudge, what are you planning to do this weekend?
F Walk. Drink. Do a bit of thinking. Decide which job to take. And you?
D Stand for election. [Fudge makes a face] No, seriously; I've got the forms in my case. It's time. I'm settled now, nothing should stop me.

[Justin walks through the doorway. Everyone sits up and shuffles a little further apart on the sofa.]

J Typical. I'm the last one in and it's my bloody cottage.
H [to J] Shouldn't work so hard then [quietly, to F and S] Probably trying to get away from Emma. [They nod]
J Glad you made it though. Sorry I'm so late.
F We started the beer. Thought we'd have to drink it all for you.
D Remember the time we locked Justin out and drank his whisky?
J You told me you'd lost the key!
D You didn't expect me to tell the truth did you? We left some beer on the doorstep for you.
J So what did you put in the bottle? No, don't tell me.
S Boys, boys, let's stop fighting and start celebrating shall we?
J Celebrate? What? You're running away with Fudge?
F You're pregnant?
D No, I'm not pregnant. Honest [pats belly, rounding it out as he does so]. We're getting married.
F Oh, wow! [Hugs David then Sam] Can I borrow your fi-an-cee for a bit? I'll give her back, honest!

[F leads S to a sofa, J,D sit down on the other. They all start to drink.]

F So how's little Sammie then?
S Hey, less of the little...
F Big, then?
S Stop it you rat: you know what I mean...
F Okay, okay. So how's the blushing bride to be? How's David?
S Swap you for telling me about your latest girlfriends.
[They sit giggling and drinking together on the sofa]
F Do you ever miss it then?
S Oh. Sometimes. We tried it a bit, but I don't think David sees the point.
F No, for him sex is just something plain.


J [looking at Sam and Fudge] Do you think there's something going on there then?
D I don't think so, he's my best friend. [Embarassed] Well, apart from you anyway.
J That's okay. I can cope with being second place. For a while, anyway. Don't you ever worry about how close they seem?
D He's her best friend too - why shouldn't they be close?
J But they're alone together - doesn't it worry you? Look mate, I know you want to marry her, but think about it: how many times has he stayed over when you were away? Don't you ever wonder what they do when you're not there?
D But he's gay. Everyone knows he's gay: he hasn't been out with a woman for almost as long as I've known him.
J Would that be as long as she's known him? Think about it...
[D sits looking at his beer. J opens up another can and settles into the sofa]

[S and F are sat heads together, whispering]
S Look, about the announcement. There's something else, but I want to surprise David tomorrow... swear to secrecy? Girls' honour?
F Do I get to wear a dress? Oh go on, please! Oh all right... girls' honour, scouts' honour and any other excuse I get to dress up honour: okay?
S Cross your heart and hope to...
F Yes, yes, the bra too... so what is this amazing secret? You're not pregnant are you?
S You've spoilt it now: I wanted to be really dramatic when I announced you were going to be an uncle.
F Oh please - an aunt, or I won't be able to wear the big hat at the christening. I'm sure David made me best man so I wouldn't wear a dress to your wedding.
S You are awful
[They hugtightly]
S Love you, Fudge
F Love you too Sammikins
[They are all very drunk by now. David rises from his seat and stares at S and F]

D What the hell do you think you're doing? Groping my own bride in front of me? Do you think I'm really stupid? Do you think I haven't noticed?
F What the...
D Pretending you were gay, you bastard? Well, I'll show you...
[D rises to hit F. J stands behind, and restrains him]
J Don't get upset about it - I'm sure there's nothing doing [whispers] don't let him see you get upset...
F You're pissed as a fart. Yes, I love your wife, and I don't know what the hell's upset you but we can sort it out when you sober up.
D [struggling] You bastard...
F Okay, okay, I'm going now. [Picks up his coat, opens the door and leaves, walking backwards through it]
S What the hell did you do that for? I haven't seen him for months, we were having a lovely time: what the hell did you do?
D [Tears starting to run down cheeks] I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone. Just go...
S But...
D Go!
[S leaves via an internal door, starting to cry.]

J Come on, mate. [Moves D over to the sofa and slumps him down against it. D starts to cry, holding onto J. A clock ticks in the backgroud. Blackout]

Scene 2: Justin takes David

[Same place, an hour or two later. Is lit only by the blue of the tv screen]
S David? David?
[S opens the door and puts on the light. J is sat naked on the floor behind D, arms around him and one hand holding his penis]
S [Screams] David?
D [Very slurred voice] It's okay. I can handle this.
S David?
D It's okay. Go back to bed.
[J smiles victoriously at S. She turns around and walks slowly back through the door. Blackout]

Scene 3: Breakfast at the cottage
[Sunday morning. Justin's cottage again. Sam and David wander into the room, together but not touching each oter.

Scene 4: Breakfast at the cafe
[Climbers' cafe. Sam and Fudge are sitting watching the waiters wandering past]

S It should be such an insignificant act. You put this bit [holds up finger] in that bit [holds up thumb and finger to make a ring, and slides the first finger into it]. So what? Why does it matter so much?
F You know that's not the point. Well [slightly dirty grin]. But seriously, it's never been about sex.
S Power?
F He didn't have a choice. It's a shame they didn't do it before you appeared. But then, you never screw your mates.
S You don't think David meant to?
F No, he's too screwed up by it. Even if yo'd caught him at it, he'd never be this upset. You'd have dealt with it between you.

S So why did Justin do it?
F Nobody comes out and says 'I'm bisexual'. It's ridiculous. You mum will say 'yes dear' and your best friends will ignore it til you've decided. He doesn't exist outside porn films and a little letter in LGB.
S It's never bothered David. David never raped anyone.
F David isn't a big macho army officer with a girlfriend who'd kill him if he looked at another woman. Except he isn't. And he idolises David. Everything he's had has always been newer or faster or better than David's, but David's always had what he wanted.
S Like hair, you mean?

Act II. Later that month.

Scene 1: Sam and David talk
[Sunday lunchtime. Sam and David are walking alone on the hills.]

S Someone tried to rape me once.
D Oh for Christ's
S No David, please listen. I need you to hear this
[D nods]
S I was at the blues bar. Was chatting to the bouncers as I left, knew them all from the gym. Bill offered me a lift home. He was the quiet one. Sweet guy, with a lovely Welsh accent and a steady family at home. We chatted about the weather, and the guys he saw me at the bar with me. It was a while before we stopped and I realised I was lost. Somewhere out in the countryside, I think. I was tired, slightly drunk, confused and then he was on top of me. Holding me down and pulling at my jeans. It wasn't a request. He didn't even try to kiss me, and that probably saved me. I talked. It had happened before and I'd always thought it was my own fault. And now I had a chance to find out. So I looked up and asked him why he was doing it. And he started to cry. Was terribly upset about his baby dying and his wife just turned her back on him and he was desparate for some contact, any contact with someone. And I was there, being friendly. And bringing so many blokes to the club that I must have been a tart, right. Wouldn't have minded a bit of extra that night. The strangest thing about rape is that it's often so non-violent. You know the person doing it, and you're transfixed. You don't do anything about it because you don't believe it's happening.

D I'm scared. That I wanted it. That I encouraged it. Scared of aids, scared of cancer, scared of losing you.

Scene 2: Sam and Fudge slip away
S A small flat somewhere. A job I believe in. Somewhere to write and listen to music. I'm not sure I want to be loved. Not sure I need to. I don't know.
F That's rubbish and you know it. Do you know how lonely you'd be without David. Even in this mood? Give him a chance.
S I've been giving him a chance for months. That bastard has taken over our lives. I want my life back. I want my husband back. [Starts to cry]
F How's it going?
S Fine, fine... two more big orders, some more stuff in the pipeline.
F Busy at work then? Lots to do?
S Yeah. Yeah. [Looks distractedly about her] That waiter's taking his time
F Sam, it's me. You know, the person you told about your abortion. The one who stood beside you all night when your dress split on the side. The only person in the world who knows how he ticks. Don't hold out on me now.
S [sits up straight] You have no right to...
F Please?
S [sagging a little] He won't let me near him anymore. We're sleeping in the same bed, but he's always somewhere else. All I want to do is just hold him and make it better, and he can't even bear to be near me. And the worst thing is when he forgets: sometimes we'll be giggling on the sofa, just like it was before, and he's round me and stroking me, and something stops: the shutters come down and he's not there anymore, and he's off making tea before I can even hold his hand and talk to him. He won't even let me listen, can't see any problems. And everyone tells me how perfect we are, and how lovely we seem, and I have to face that bastard Justin tomorrow and it's my appointment and [starts to sob. Fudge pulls her head over to his chest]
F Whoa there little sister... [lets her cry for a little]...

Scene 3: The stagnight. David goes back to Justin.
[Fudge and David cuddle up on the floor together, still wearing all their clothes. Blackout.]

Scene 4: The morning after
[Sun's coming up. Fudge and David are still cuddled up on the floor together, except they're now head-to-foot with each other. Fudge stirs and wakes David with a pillow round the ear]

F Wake up lazy. [Comes to a bit more and pushes David's feet away from his face] God, your feet smell.
D [grinning] At least I wasn't farting all night. Do you want coffee?
F You okay? [David nods]. You did know about Sam, didn't you?
D I'd guessed. That's why we were still getting married.
F I think you'd better go and talk to her. You've got a lot of ground to make up. And some ceremonies to arrange. Go on, shoo.
D [pulling on his shoes] Justin?
F I'll tell him when he wakes up. Shoo.
[David walks out quickly. Fudge picks up two mugs and wanders off towards the kitchen].

The end.